Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize