The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
