Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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