smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
