Someone shit on the floor
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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