no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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