i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
