Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
