Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
