At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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