win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
