Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
