i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
