This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
