I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
