4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
