No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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