Duck Duck Cougar?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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