i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
