I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Randomize
