I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
