Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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