Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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