I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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