My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
