So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
