I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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