party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
