i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
My dick has a subreddit
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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