I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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