Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
