Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
