and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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