Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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