Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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