just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
