I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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