meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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