Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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