Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
