i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Randomize
