Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
