who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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