I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
