I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
