Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
