She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
