...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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