Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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