Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
