I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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