final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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